So it’s lunchtime on day 30 and I am really not sure what to write about. I will do a weigh in and redo my measurements tomorrow and post up the before and after pictures. But right now I am not sure what to make of my last 13 days.
Stress and destructive patterns…
There have been many challenges and stressors over the last few weeks that have influenced my Whole30 journey. I have returned to study and feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed at trying to regain my mental capacity after the mind numbing baby/toddler years. I know I can do it but it will take a little bit of time before I feel that I am in fact on top of things. There have been a number of other stressful moments and things that send your inner monkey into panic mode searching for something to reassure it that all is well. I am delighted to say that rather than falling into those old patterns new ones have begun emerging. Stress above all other emotional states will always be my main trigger for food seeking behaviours. Objectively I can see that this is a perfectly logical solution to the problem of stress when stress was either being attacked by another creature or running out of food or water, especially when you know there is nothing chasing you so don’t bother running away. However this is the least practical solution in the modern era where frankly stress comes in way to many varieties and the solutions are often obscure.
So what’s a gal to do? I can’t simply wave a wand and reduce my stress. I can however find other means to deal with things that don’t involve damaging my own body. In this area I have no answers yet however I do have a good starting point in that for the first time I am actually noticing and catching myself when I feel stressed and start that food seeking behaviour. I find I am actually getting rightly angry at the pattern and often enough realising how I am about to do something that I don’t want to do, that probably will cause me negative repercussions all because of an external third party or event that is out of my control. At the moment this is enough to stop the pattern right then and there. I must admit a few times I’ve had a “f*** you I am not getting sick and fat over your b*** s****” not very lady like I realise but much better than what is in all reality self harm behaviour.
Social conformity and food…
Another major moment of change came in the form of realising how vastly different my eating behaviours are around various different social settings. If I am on my own (or around my kids) I generally consume a lot less than when I am in a social setting where other adults are present. The absolute worst is at a family dinner type setup where I can often eat three times the amount I usually would consume in a single sitting. Even just having my husband present at a meal will change what I chose to eat for dinner. On my own with the kids I will usually chose a huge salad with a little meat thrown in along with a large amount of greens and any veggies or salad items I have on hand. In contrast simply having another adult present at the table means I am more likely to chose a meat and veg type meal or something more traditional. This isn’t a big issue until I factor back in that I feel so much more energetic and vibrant when I have all those greens. I am at my best when I start my day with a big green smoothie and end it with my big salad. On an up day I eat a large family size bag of mixed greens which I simply don’t do when I am trying to conform with another adults eating patterns. This doesn’t happen with the kids as I am very comfortable eating different foods to them after several years of fussy kids with rigid eating patterns.
So I really don’t know what to make of this as I still want to be involved and join in social activities but I am not yet personally strong enough to stay true to myself in those settings. I am sure in time this to will resolve. And while it would be AMAZING to find my other half suddenly embracing the same type of eating as I do it wouldn’t be realistic to expect another person to change just because I want them to. Bless him, he does try and will eat the meals I cook happily but heaven help me if I take away his milk and bread. I think at this point his just relieved I’m not vegan anymore.
Two steps forwards, one step back…
In the last few days (since the heat has increased) I have noticed I have started to feel a little more bloated and have apparently decided to go into another detox phase. I know the I’ve said the dreaded detox word, trust me I have read and watched all the anti detox clips etc however I am yet to find a more appropriate word to describe what your body does when it decides to look like its going backwards while healing and moving forwards. The acne has returned though not nearly as bad as in the start or prior to this process. The slightly bloated look is back however I am still smaller than when I commenced this Whole30 period which is mildly distressing. I am also feeling less than energetic even though I know I am doing more in a day than I used to do.
As far as I can see the added heat probably means I need more water however I am not getting enough in at the moment. I also suspect that I need to do more than 30 days of healthy eating to undo the damage I’ve done over the last 30 + years. Solving all your issues in 30 days is unrealistic so I need to decided what I will do from this point on. That being said the changes noticed so far have been amazing and defiantly worth the ongoing effort.
I will add a full summary of the Whole30 and its outcomes tomorrow as I would have by then completed it fully. I will say that it has been a positive experience and I would recommend it for others to try.